When school started in August, I scrambled to cancel everything I had planned for the fall and early winter. On this list were
- monthly sound bath sessions with a couple beloved clients,
- one-off sound bath sessions with brand new clients (schedule months before),
- a weekly sound meditation class, that I had contracted to teach at a local university,
- a handful of routine (and not so routine) medical appointments that I'd scheduled months earlier,
- visiting family and friends
(alongside that is an imperative to visit with an old acquaintance who has dementia) - concerts, art galleries, restaurants, day trips, art-making, and
- self care
From August through early November, I had academic classes on Mondays from 8am-6pm, then my clinical internship Tue-Fri, from 7am to about 7pm. On the weekends, I fought like hell to do all the readings and projects for the three 3-hour long classes each Monday. Things were not going extremely well. I was tired, sleep-deprived, up most nights listening to hes audible of my palpitating heart and hoping to god that I wouldn't have a heart-attack or stroke from the stress. The irony was that while I worked daily in the clinic working on rehabilitation treatment for people who had had hemorrhagic and ischemic strokes, I spent each night enduring the high-blood-pressure, lack of sleep, and stress that could easily bring on my own stroke.
My daily vitamin regimen suddenly included an aspirin--to thin the blood, just in case. And my appetite disappeared. My die, dwindled to the only foods I could stomach: cucumbers, baby carrots, and citrus fruit. Dinner in these past few months was a distant memory, and it showed--I lost 17 lbs. Sadly, I also restarted smoking each day after leaving the clinic.
In a nutshell, I eventually dropped my clinical internship, and have been reassessing whether to continue with this educational and professional 180-degree-turn. I have kept my academic coursework, and have begun sleeping regularly again, and even eating meals comprised of meat, veg, dairy, complex carbs, and fats!
In a recent phone call with my sister, she opined, "You realize you already have a Master's degree, right?!" I had to laugh.
Since leaving the clinic I restarted my mindful practice of making art, and have completed half a dozen large paintings. This period nearing the end of the semester is a much healthier one than before. So today, I still have the choice to make--continue with these studies, or apply my experience and background to other professional, social, well-being, creative, and altruistic pursuits. It's a tough choice, but I am taking all of my time and know-how to come to a decision (plus, getting feedback from my mentor, friends, and former colleagues).
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